Light Bulbs

The following is a true story...no names have been changed cuz it happened to me....

Picture this...I had been up since 3 AM, having only had about 3 hours of sleep the night prior due to moving, (more on that later) worked a 9 1/2 hour shift , drove home and immediately started unpacking my car (I drove to work with a car full of random Kitchen supplies) and continued to repack my car and move all of the remaining items that needed to be on the moving truck from the office to the living room so Ed and the one man "crew" (more on that later, too) could come in and do a grab and load.  The time was now 8PM and I was beyond exhausted, needed a shower and had not eaten in 24 hours. I had just driven Ed to the old house to pick up his car, and the following conversation happened:

ME: What now?

ED: Well, we need food and also a trip to WalMart is needed. We need a shower curtain, light bulbs, a lamp (He broke the one I had in the move) and stuff to shower with. 

ME: You go get food, I will go to Wal Mart and meet you back at the house

ED: Are you sure you are ok to go on your own?

ME:  

ED: ok. Love you. See you in a few. 

I then headed off to Walmart. I walked around the store gathering up the needed shower supplies, and shower curtain. I was then near the back of the store where the lights bulbs are, so I figured I would grab some. By this time, the only thing holding me upright was the cart I was pushing. I was SO tired. Anyway...I turn the corner onto the light bulb aisle and I am faced with 4800 different types of light bulbs. I stand there. Staring at the bulbs.

MY BRAIN: YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!! YOU AREN'T STRONG ENOUGH!!! IT'S TOO MUCH!!!

ME: I can't do this. It's too much.

Just then (about 10 seconds had passed, but I thought I had been there 4 days) Mr. WalMart Lightbulb Man came around the corner. Actual Conversation:

MR. WALMART: Can I help you?

ME: Yes, Mr. WalMart Lightbulb Man. I have to get the light bulbs so I can go home, have a shower and some food and lay down. I can't do any of those things until I get the light bulbs. Since I don't want to lose my shit in the light bulb aisle at WalMart and become an Internet meme, I need you to just give me the light bulbs. There are too many and I can't do this. It is too much. 

MR W: *without breaking eye contact reaches over and places a pack of bulbs in my cart* There you go. 

ME: Thank You. I really didn't want to lose my shit in the light bulb aisle at WalMart. 

MR W.: Nobody wants that. 

ME: Have a good night.

Then I walk off and go back to the front of the store, grab a lamp, and as I am walking, there is a display with soft, fuzzy lap blankets. I pick up a very pretty purple one and say out loud to no one : I NEED DIS" put it in my cart and proceed to the check out feeling SO victorious. Like I just won the Olympics, cuz I had the light bulbs. 

I get home, Ed comes out to help me bring the items in cuz he's good like that and he happens to carry the lamp in. He brings it in, and says " Oh, look. Light bulbs are included. We didn't need them after all"

I threw my shoe at him, called him an asshole, ate my burger, showered and laid down with my new purple blanket.. 

A Reader?

It seems as though there is one person reading my blog!! I am equally oddly excited and puzzled by this. Why one? Why me? Who is it? Do they know me? Do I know them? Why am I so inquisitive? Why did I just use an obnoxious word like "inquisitive"? Do I want to appear smart to my reader?

I guess I have always been the kind of person who wants to know why. Just a curious mind, I suppose. So, if you are reading this, dear reader, please leave a comment and let me know how you happened upon my little blog thingy and how do you like it so far? Would you like me to post more often? Did you find it and read it by accident? If a bus leaves Cleveland at 10 AM with.....oops. never mind

A Random Conversation with my Hubby

So, The following took place a couple weeks ago:

Me and Ed were watching TV and a commercial came on for some cell phone company. They showed a cartoon like picture of a text chain between people who used the head emoji things and instead of typing, they talked. Anyway, one of them was a dinosaur head. Here's what happened next:

ME: I want to be a dinosaur (what I meant to say was " I want the dinosaur head on my phone", but apparently my brain and mouth don't communicate)

ED: What?

ME (Realizing it was too late to correct myself and wondering how this would play out) You heard me. I want to be a dinosaur.

ED: Um. Ok?

ME: well, maybe not. Cuz if I was a dinosaur, I would have to eat you and that might make me sad. And possibly ill. I've seen what you eat....

ED: You wouldn't HAVE to eat me, you know.

Me: Ummm...yes. I would

ED: No you wouldn't. You could be an herbivore.

ME: WHAT??? No way!!! If I'm a dinosaur, I'm a T-REX

ED: well, when I modify your DNA, I will make you a Brontosaurus and you will eat trees and shrubs and things

ME: First of all...how are you going to modify my DNA?? It isn't like you have a kit or anything.

ED: I will buy one from Amazon. They have them. And I already sit in the truck stops and modify DNA anyway.

ME: Ok, so you look at me and see a great big ass and a long skinny neck with a tiny head??? JERK!!
Why you gotta squash my dreams of being a T REX??

Ed: I don't wanna get eaten.

And with that I was mad at him for 2 days. SO selfish.

Quietness

It occurs to me that since the kids have all moved out and have lives of their own (who knew???) and my shift has changed so that I no longer call Beckatang on my ride home (sadness) my life has become....quiet. Not really boring...just quiet.

Ed is away more now than ever before, and I spend an inordinate amount of time talking to the dogs. Don't worry, they don't talk back...yet


I do have a few characters at work. There's Mamma Shark. She's pretty cool. We spend a bit of time laughing every day. She had a really good boob day today. I told her so. She was happy.

Then there's Gina Marie. She is one of those "quiet, nice" girls who really isn't so nice. She comes up to my desk and says things that make me laugh out loud. She has a low tolerance for stupid people and isn't afraid to tell me when stupid is running rampant.

Kung Pao. Oh beloved Kung Pao. We kind of share a brain. At any given time, we actually finish each other's sentences...and usually that ain't good.

And when I think about it, quiet isn't really bad. It is just....different.

I guess I felt like I was supposed to be "on" all the time and forgot that it's OK to have a nice, quiet day that really has nothing going on in it but work , home, family feud and bedtime. I think I was worried that I wouldn't be interesting or entertaining, but really, no one is reading this but me, so fuck it. I will write when I feel like it and about whatever is going on.

Maybe someday after I am long gone, someone will find this and I will live on...what a maudlin thought....ugh.

BTW, Mamma Shark has another good boob day.(it is now 2 days later)  She better. She paid enough for them.....

The Collective

So, in my last post, I mentioned 'The Collective". This is the name that Ed has given to myself and my sisters when we are all together. Let me tell you a bit bout the members of the "collective".

In order of age (oldest to youngest)

Sue- Sister Sue is the oldest member of the collective. She is not, however, the wisest. Although she would have you think so... She is pretty good at making people believe she knows what she is talking about, so she does have that particular set of skills.

Mary-  Crazy Sister Mary. Her name says is all. She's crazy. But the good kind of crazy. Like the "I'm pretty mellow until you mess with my kids, grand kids, sisters or brothers" kind of crazy. She also spends an inordinate amount of time cleaning things. Not sure why.

Brenda- Me. You already know more about me than you probably want or need to.

Melissa- Mel Mel, Mellio, Missquisha She is the "crafty" one. She can make some pretty cool stuff, but she can also come up with a pretty devious plan if needed. Keep an eye on her. She's tricky

Rebecca- Beckatang. That's all I'm gonna say.

When Ed coined the phrase "The Collective" he also informed me that there are a couple of "rules" that must be followed when dealing with the Collective

1.   Never look the collective directly in the eyes. It's like Medusa, only with sarcasm

2. Always have chocolate nearby when the collective is getting together.

3. Whatever you do, NEVER take the side of one member of the collective against another member. The one whose side you have taken will turn on you faster than a fat kid at a bake shop. Then the ENTIRE Collective will chew you up and spit you out.

4. Always agree with whatever the Collective says, does or wants. Even if it is illegal. And sometimes the line is pushed...or crossed....or erased.

When I reminded my dear husband that I was a member of the collective, he said "Oh, I am aware". And then he gave me some chocolate and walked away.


Good man.

Hello... it's Me again

Hey there!

Well. So. It has been like 9 years since my last post. Damn! I do gotta say that a LOT has changed.

First off, Ed and myself have moved (2  times actually) and no longer have the house we were working so hard to renovate. It was kind of sad, but actually now I see it was not all a bad thing. We are in a real cute little place now, still on the Tundra. But we are renting and I gotta say, overall, life don't suck. It did for a bit, but it got better.

Bug is no longer with Nitoe. That ended a while back. She is now with Princess J. Princess J is wonderful. She is pretty and smart and I really like her. That is why she is Princess J and not troll girl J. Actually I have been accused of liking her more than I like Bug. EH. What are ya going to do?

Princess Shell is still in Vancouver, how ever, she no longer works at Shell. She works at a college. So I guess I will call her...Professor Shell. Even though she does not teach, and isn't affiliated with Shell in any way. It's MY blog thingy and I will do what I want! She has a love interest that I shall call.....Turtle. She's kind of in a shell...kind of shy. But not at ALL green.

Ratt Chuck is now Mrs. Ratt Chuck and is also a Mommy. Yup She has a little Mouse. I love Mouse. She is a real cutie. Can't say the same for the Mr. But more on that later...

Twitch is now in Arizona and working. He has been on his own for some time now and is doing quite well. All good things

Anthostein is now in San Diego. He is with a wonderful girl who I will call Submariner, because she is in the Navy. He is still cooking and looks a lot like a Viking. All tall and hairy

Ed is now the proud owner of a CDL. He is also a bona fide trucker. I guess that makes me a truckers wife. Hmmm...interesting. ANYWAY...he works for a company that hauls for Amazon. You know, the people who are taking over the world one palette of Cheetos at a time??? He really enjoys it and I am glad. He is usually only gone overnight and once in a while 2 nights, but not much more than that.

As for me....well...I went to school for MA and X Ray Tech and after school, no one would hire me cuz I didn't have experience, which I couldn't get cuz no one would hire me...such a frustrating time. But it did lead me to my current job of the past almost 7 years. It's not a bad gig (believe me, there are worse...not sure what, but there must be somethin) and I am a team lead, so there is THAT. Also, Bug works there too. We recently started working in sort of the same department. Kind of different parts of the same department. I will be introducing you to my work friends over time...

Freakin and Pufferfish are no longer together. He is now living in the great frozen North (I just made that up) I miss him. We still connect via the Facebooks.

Beckatang has an amazing daughter who I shall call Chicken Lips. Chicken Lips is 6 going on 47. She really is. Beckatang has her hands FULL with that girl. (The Tang is a Mrs. too, BTW, and her hubby is Brian (not his real name but one given to him by the collective) )

Did I ever mention the collective? Let me know. I will elaborate if not.

Speaking of the Facebooks (I did earlier, if you were paying any sort of attention. ) , it brings me to my next thought...are people still reading blogs? Have we become a society of Vlogs? I sure hope not. I enjoy the written (or in this case, typed ) word and hope I can still entertain a couple people. Or at the very least leave a bit of humor for generations to come...

So , if you are reading this (and maybe read through a few of my earlier posts) then leave a comment and let me know if I should continue or is it a waste of my time. Not that I am going to let anyone else decide if I continue, but I am a curious thing and would love to hear from others.